Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Ultimately this is not as good as Crank, but it still delivers on action, gunfights, general violence, sex and nudity. The hand-held camera still proves to be the right format for this making the action more believable and the pace faster. There is even a cameo for The Dean of Mean, Keith Jardine and the plot is still pretty much non-existent which allows for more action and violence.

However, some of the scenes are verging on stupid rather then just funny which doesn't always work and the ending is stupid. It leaves the feeling that the directors couldn't work out a ridiculous way to kill him off this time whilst still being able to carry on the now franchise.

The action scenes pull it through though and Jason Statham is brilliantly cast in this. It is perhaps the likeability of the character which makes the Crank series stand out from other action films.

Although I did end up enjoying this, I'm not looking forward to watching the third Crank instalment as much as i was looking forward to this film.

The Colonel can only give Crank: High Voltage 3.1 out of 5.

Nipples?

The diet had gone to far

World matchplay 2010 #4

Ok a good night last night for predictions, the score currently lies at 7-5 in favour of correct predictions.

Unfortunately due to being at the barracks, I've missed the afternoon session so straight onto the evening session:

Van Barneveld (Co Stompe v Raymond van Barneveld)

Taylor (Kevin Painter v Phil Taylor)

Kevin had just won a wager with Penfold (background)

Crank (2006)

Pleasantly surprised to find that this is actually quite good. It is an action film and it does what it says on the tin, there are fights, chases and crashes galore mixed in with some fine bullets! It is also interspersed with some giggles and well timed wit coupled with a pinch of sex and nudity.

What more do you want! Because of this it has avoided the Colonel's Gash-o-meter and can be graded normally. Crank receives a well deserved 3.75 out of 5. (Realise I've gone decimal here but felt it was needed).

Crank...rhymes with wank

World matchplay 2010 #3

Another score draw last night so overall score currently stands at 4-4.

Tonight's predictions:

Anderson (Gary Anderson v Jelle Klaasen)

Painter (Kevin Painter v Mark Walsh)

Taylor (Steve Beaton v Phil Taylor) (Although come on Steve!)

Whitlock (Simon Whitlock v Steve Brown)

Place your bets now!

A special mention has to go out to Buster Bloodvessel who sang Mark Walsh's intro on Tuesday night. It was some horrendous miming but hilarious at the same time and being as the last time I saw old Buster, he was in a nappy trying to entertain a small crowd at a rugby club, I think he has still got his dignity. Good lad Buster!

Weight Watchers were taking a gamble with their 2010 slimmer of the year promo shot

The Colonel's Special Picture of the Day (pictures may not be published daily) #1

A page filler, but a good one:

Sexy

World matchplay 2010 #2

Ok, so two out of two right yesterday in my predictions but one of those was very close and the other was thankfully the Bronze Adonis marching on towards The Power!

Today's predictions:

Baxter (Jones vs Baxter)

Webster (Stompe vs Webster)

Wade (Van Der Voort vs Wade)

Van Barneveld (Tabern vs Van Barneveld)

At the minute the score against myself is 2-2. I also realise this is possibly the start of a split personality or an imaginary friend, either way giggles to come!

Ronnie's wanking practice paid off when trying to beat the camera for speed

World Matchplay 2010

Can't see past Phil Taylor in this one, it would be mad to bet against him. I was disappointed to see The Bull (Terry Jenkins) go out last night but he was never going to win this tournament. A special mention for Steve Beaton (The Bronze Adonis) after recently discovering that he is a Coventry City Fan and was born in the motherland and not Birmingham as was first thought. For that Steve, i am truly sorry.

Also great to see Buster Bloodvessel at the tournament tonight and for everyone who would like to take the Colonel's advice for a wager:

Tournament winner prediction: The Power

Tonight's winners:

Painter (Lloyd vs Painter)

Dudbridge (Walsh vs Dudbridge)

Taylor (Taylor vs Bates)

Nicholson (Nicholson vs Beaton) (Still rooting for Beaton though)

Taylor's pointing starts a fight

The Adonis modelled his hairstyle on a horse

Chuck Liddell Teaches Coventrians How To Fight - Locals Learn Nothing They Didn't Already Know

Ex-UFC champion Chuck Liddell visits Coventry

FORMER UFC light heavy weight champion Chuck " The Iceman" Liddell visited the Alan Higgs Centre to teach a seminar with Coventry's martial arts school, The Way of the Spiritual Warrior.

The only question to be asked here is why? Please provide your own answers.

Chuck's dance classes were really taking off

Inglorious Basterds (2009)

If you like violence, you'll like Basterds. The scalping is particularly good, and not really an art that has been visited since Last of the Mohicans. The action is nicely built by large periods of suspense, the bar scene highlighting this particularly well.

There isn't a bad performance in the film and in fact big glowing references go to Christoph Waltz playing the brilliant Col. Hans Landa and Brad Pitt playing Lt. Aldo Raine.

The pace of the film switches quickly from slow to fast throughout which aids the suspense being built and Tarantino directs the action with his trademark gore (if that is the correct word). The bottom line is, whether you like the film or not, you can always guarantee that Tarantino will get the violence right.

Overall the Colonel can only give this 4 dead Nazis out of 5.

Brad tried not to be smug about the massive smell he had just made

World Cup 2010 Round-up Part Two

I forgot, the other best thing about the 2010 World Cup is.....France. Quality madness of the highest order.

Raymond Domenech's kenneth Williams impression went down well during team talks.

Disco Baby, Sexy Baby, Hot!

As it's been such a long break since posts recently, as a treat, the Colonel has looked for a good Micky Disco video for your enjoyment.

Also as a bargain:

And because i can't resist:

World Cup 2010 Round-up

Ok apart from some extremely poor football from England, the highlight of the competition came in the final when Nigel De Jong kicked Xavi Alonso in a move which looked like he was trying to stop his heart. This is also one of the best fouls i have seen in the past few years where he has gotten away with just a yellow card. Great stuff, there should be more violence in football.

The second best bit of the competition actually happened in the presentation of the trophy. The comedy situation of the celebrating Spanish right in front of a load of unhappy Dutch fans and Sepp Blatter and Jacob Zuma getting stuck in with the celebrations at the same time was brilliant. The comedy duo feigned smiles whilst they were desperately trying to escape like a couple of claustrophobics trying to get away from a bad fart. Although the video is not brilliant, this is worth a watch.

Big Brother Contestant Enjoys the Good Life

BIG Brother star Bex Shiner has a new job – starring topless on a TV porn channel.

Coventry’s former reality TV show contestant is now appearing topless on pay-per-view channel Television X two days a week.

The saucy 22-year-old talks to callers wearing just underwear while lying on a bed in front of the cameras. The work – on the channel with the catchline “British Porn on Your TV” – comes just two years after she was catapulted to stardom in the famous reality TV show house.

“I just lie there in front of the TV camera and dirty men ring me up,” she said.

“I don’t talk dirty to them or anything, I just talk normally to them. I’m just going to do it now because it’s loads of money.”

The former nursery assistant says she earns £400 for a six-hour shift and has been doing the work for a month. She claimed to have earned £100,000 in the first year after being booted out of the house but had recently turned to hosting Anne Summers lingerie parties after celebrity work dried up.

She now lives back with her mum in Coundon and just last year gave talks with Coventry University students about her experiences in the Big Brother house.

I am very pleased to see that Coventry has finally got a representative in the soft porn industry. It's about time that a Coventry Kid was promoted to Jenna Jameson fame. Let's just hope those 'dirty men' know what a bargain they are getting from this midlands beauty.

Removing a crumb

Bex farts

She has always wanted to be a singer

Hard-working Bex's back goes

Explanations

Ok, i must apologise for the long absence. I have been deported to Eygpt and managed to return (which is a big relief because apart from the massive Macdonald's food it was not somewhere i'll be returning to in a hurry), and then there was a football competition of some sort which required my attention.

I will be back on track from now on with the regular posting although nothing substantial tonight apart from i have had to hear the wrath of wife regarding the news that Take That are reforming as a fivesome. They will be requiring more money from their fans to support this though so look forward to that. Please note i have made no reference to 'the boys' being massive homosexuals and bum bandits as the old bread knife may read this.

Just as a teaser, likely future posts: Coventry City/Aidy Boothroyd latest, World cup round up, UFC116 (fucking awesome), possible zoo pictures and maybe even the Colonel's Annual Cleavage Awards (you must understand this will not contain any shots of the Colonel pushing the moobs together.

Until the next time....